You can't catch it.....

Can I just state for the record,

 

You can not “catch” infant death. Just saying…

 

I actually had a pregnant acquaintance tell me today that she has not reached out to me because she is worried for her unborn childs safety. Now, I am sure she MEANT that she doesn’t want to “worry” herself into an early delivery by reading or listening to my story-since it IS natural to worry about yourself and the health of your babies when you’re hearing of such terrible news..BUT, the way it was said seemed as if…. “ I am scared I will catch what caused yours”. Wow, really???

 

So, all I am going to say about this is…you can’t catch it, I promise! =)

 

Now, to follow up on what I started yesterday….

 

I was telling my friend Mandy that my blogs must sound to others that I am just in this terrible place right now-feeling nothing but sorry for myself and my family. Please don’t take my writings as such. While I don’t necessarily BLAME myself for what happened, I can think of 100 ways that I could have POSSIBLY prevented it. Possibly being the key word here.

 

I could have taken my prenatal vitamins a little more regularly. Those of you that know me, know that I am horrible with remembering medicines. Hence how I got pregnant with Isaac…Um, birth control only works when you REMEMBER to take it! =)

So, I could have done better by taking it on a more regular schedule to help my body, and the babies grow & develop the right way. So, yes, I blame myself for this. While we have no idea if it has anything @ all to do with what happened, I can still blame myself for this part.

I could have listened to the babies more, and to my body! For that matter, to everyone else also.

I should have stayed @ home and rested, instead of going to every single baseball game and practice for both boys. I should have stayed out of the 110 degree weather for 6-8 hours to watch baseball & support the boys. I should have screamed a little louder @ work when I said I needed help and couldn’t handle doing 2 jobs. I should have put my foot down on a lot of things. I should have taken it a little easier! There is no doubt about that. I could have rested more!

 

On Tuesday June 22^nd as I sat @ the baseball field late that night w/ Jennifer & Michelle telling me to call the Dr ASAP because I was white as a ghost and my blood pressure was through the roof, I should have listened. I’d had a really bad day that day @ work-a really long hard day(we were/are grossly understaffed). But, I should have listened then, to myself, the babies & my friends, when they told me to call! Instead, I took a Tylenol when I got home, and went to bed. I felt that something wasn’t right on Thursday, I had weird pains and pressure all day, and the constant need to go to the bathroom, my water was leaking…I should have listened then.

 

I lifted more than 50 lbs, several times a day, I stressed out and put my blood pressure over the roof, several times a week. I wasn’t eating right, I wasn’t taking my vitamins right, and I wasn’t resting right. I could have changed all of those things and prevented what happened. So, you can see how it’s easy to blame myself.

 

HOWEVER, I am NOT dwelling on these things. I can’t…I will drive myself straight to the looney bin-I can’t handle blaming myself for the rest of my life. I again, am writing this blog in therapy for myself, so please don’t think I am borderline crazy…..you don’t need to worry about me. I am processing the best way I can! I promise!

 

 

 

PLEASE continue to read this blog. Continue to be mindful of our family. This certainly isn’t an easy time-If you’re a praying person and believe that works, then PLEASE continue to do that for us. We do appreciate all of the support and thoughts…