A lot of people often ask how Isaac and Caleb are dealing with the loss of Ian & Owen. I thought I would take this blog opportunity to share that response.
If you read this and you know our family, you know that Isaac is by far, the more emotion child in the family. Caleb is very "this is how it is" and that's that. Isaac is a little more inquisitive and feels much more sympathetic with normal emotions than Caleb is.
I remember very vividly the day that this happened. We had to wake the boys up quickly on that Friday Morning & get them in the car with no breakfast and basically not even really awake. I was relatively calm, just in some minor pain. So, they didn't really know anything was wrong. When they were brought to the hospital that night, Isaac came in and saw me holding Ian & Owen and he started grinning from ear to ear. Mind you-time lines don't really resonate with them because 9 months and 9 days are about the same in their world.! =) Isaac didn't realize it hadnt been the full baking time for Ian & Owen. Caleb wasn't sure wether to smile or not. We told them to stop before they came any closer because our fear was that they would see the twins and realize they were not normal sized babies. Isaacs face immediately dropped & we explained quickly and easily that they were big brothers of twins but that the babies came a little too early, and we didn't have much time with them before they went to be with God. Isaac started to tear up and Caleb walkd out of the room and the 1st person he saw (whoever that was) he said " My baby brothers just died & are with God". THAT is epic Caleb-that's how he deals with things. OVer the course of the next few days, Caleb made general comments and questions about the twins. Things like "can God tell them what I want to say to them if I tell God" or "My brothers are in heaven". Caleb, bless his heart, doesn't inhibit the sympathy emotion. Seeing other people cry doesn't prompt him to ask "why" or "what's wrong". He instead changes the subject to something less "teary".
Isaac however, shuts down into a quiet little shell when he is stressed about something. He, on many occassions in the last 90 days has had days that he thinks of the boys a lot. He understands when I cry @ night, that I am thinking of Ian and Owen. He understands that they are buried, and all that goes along with death. Caleb asks to go see them-but thinks we will actually SEE them. Yesterday, we got our bracelets in the mail that say "Mommyof angels", "daddy of angels" and "brothers of angels". Isaac hasn't taken his off. Isaac likes to feel close to them. He wasn't overly looking forward to being a big brother to MOVE boys-but he was excited to be a big brother.
He was REALLY wanting a sister. But he was kinda worried about twins. He worried about how we would feed 2 @ a time, or deal with 2 crying babies at once (He remembered Caleb as a baby!).
Caleb hasn't been around a baby around, so he didn't know what to look forward to or NOT look forward to! He just knew, he wanted babies in the house!
I think the process has been a little easier for them than it would have been if the boys would have LIVED with us. It wasn't really "real" for them because we never brought the boys home!
SO, to answer the question-the boys are doing OK. Isaac has more emotional days than Caleb-but he IS 3 years older. Caleb has more "this is how it is" kind of days!
If you read this and you know our family, you know that Isaac is by far, the more emotion child in the family. Caleb is very "this is how it is" and that's that. Isaac is a little more inquisitive and feels much more sympathetic with normal emotions than Caleb is.
I remember very vividly the day that this happened. We had to wake the boys up quickly on that Friday Morning & get them in the car with no breakfast and basically not even really awake. I was relatively calm, just in some minor pain. So, they didn't really know anything was wrong. When they were brought to the hospital that night, Isaac came in and saw me holding Ian & Owen and he started grinning from ear to ear. Mind you-time lines don't really resonate with them because 9 months and 9 days are about the same in their world.! =) Isaac didn't realize it hadnt been the full baking time for Ian & Owen. Caleb wasn't sure wether to smile or not. We told them to stop before they came any closer because our fear was that they would see the twins and realize they were not normal sized babies. Isaacs face immediately dropped & we explained quickly and easily that they were big brothers of twins but that the babies came a little too early, and we didn't have much time with them before they went to be with God. Isaac started to tear up and Caleb walkd out of the room and the 1st person he saw (whoever that was) he said " My baby brothers just died & are with God". THAT is epic Caleb-that's how he deals with things. OVer the course of the next few days, Caleb made general comments and questions about the twins. Things like "can God tell them what I want to say to them if I tell God" or "My brothers are in heaven". Caleb, bless his heart, doesn't inhibit the sympathy emotion. Seeing other people cry doesn't prompt him to ask "why" or "what's wrong". He instead changes the subject to something less "teary".
Isaac however, shuts down into a quiet little shell when he is stressed about something. He, on many occassions in the last 90 days has had days that he thinks of the boys a lot. He understands when I cry @ night, that I am thinking of Ian and Owen. He understands that they are buried, and all that goes along with death. Caleb asks to go see them-but thinks we will actually SEE them. Yesterday, we got our bracelets in the mail that say "Mommyof angels", "daddy of angels" and "brothers of angels". Isaac hasn't taken his off. Isaac likes to feel close to them. He wasn't overly looking forward to being a big brother to MOVE boys-but he was excited to be a big brother.
He was REALLY wanting a sister. But he was kinda worried about twins. He worried about how we would feed 2 @ a time, or deal with 2 crying babies at once (He remembered Caleb as a baby!).
Caleb hasn't been around a baby around, so he didn't know what to look forward to or NOT look forward to! He just knew, he wanted babies in the house!
I think the process has been a little easier for them than it would have been if the boys would have LIVED with us. It wasn't really "real" for them because we never brought the boys home!
SO, to answer the question-the boys are doing OK. Isaac has more emotional days than Caleb-but he IS 3 years older. Caleb has more "this is how it is" kind of days!
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