Facebook Nightmare

Well, Let me start by apologizing for anyone that I will inevitably offend in this posting.

I have tried to not say anything for the last few days while seeing other peoples posts....but I just can't hold my tounge anymore. WHY do people think it's funny to make believe they are pregnant by playing that new silly game on facebook? For those of you that haven't yet seen it, it's a posting going around that says " I am _______and I am craving _________". I'm not even sure what the PURPOSE is but I assume it's similar to the last years game of bra colors or shoe sizes or whatever it was. However, do people not see how hurtful it is to post something like this? WHat a horrible reminder it is for those mof us who have lost a child, or those that suffer from infertility....I have several close friends that have lost one or multiple children, and I have more friends who suffer from not being able to conceive. I can't even fathom which is worse, but I do know that not being able to parent a child when you so desperately want to, is a horrible thing. I have said it again, and I will continue to remind others, THERE IS NO WAY TO EXPLAIN THE FEELING THAT I FEEL. People simply can not understand the horrible emptiness I wake up to and go to bed to every night. I guess you could say I am a functioning alcoholic-except I don't drink, I am a functioning mourner-Yea, that sounds about right.

I function in the sense that I get up everyday, manage to put one foot infront of the other, put a happy smile in my voice @ work and then drag myself to complete my family & community obligations. In the meantime, I am continuing to scream and cry on the inside. Our Pastor posted on facebook a few days ago, " It took 40 years for Isreal to make an 11 day JOurney: Deut. 1:2 ( I think it was). Wow, that could not be more true in my life right now. It will take my entire life, to conquor just one second of understanding in this situation.

Now, if you are one of my pregnant friends, please know that I love you-but I'd suggest NOT continuing to read this blog....at least not todays blog.

I am happy for all of my friends that are expecting, believe me, I am! But, I've had a really hard time lately ready or hearing all of the beautiful perfect birth stories from my friends, or reading/hearing about "It's a boy" or "It's a girl". from my friends that are expecting. I realize this is offensive for some of you,and I am sorry if it is, but that's just how I feel. While I am happy for you-so much of my can't listen to it. I have a friend that was due with twin 1 week after me, and she lost Baby A @ 16 or so weeks. ( I can't remember exactly). well, today her status updated to "my baby is 29 weeks today" which really reminded me that today, I would be 30 weeks pregnant and nearing an exciting delivery!!!

So, that's how I am feeling today-about all of those things. I wish people would just be a little more considerate on FB and not play those silly games-because like my wonderful & overly supportive friend from afar pointed out this morning on her FB status-it's such a painful reminder people, it really is...


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