Today is going to be a rough one, I can already tell.
I slept last night-Some might think this is good. For me, it made me even more painfully aware that I no longer have to get up 4-8 times at night to go to the bathroom because I have a tiny person sitting on my bladder. Silly isn't it?
The tears are right there. They haven't come yet.
I finally had a breakdown in the hospital on Wednesday afternoon after Cris left to go to work and home for a little while. All of our visitors had gone or hadn't come yet. It was quiet and I hadn't been feeling good and I was bored and lonely but thankful for the time alone. I finally started allowing myself to think what would happen if we did infact make it to 23-24 weeks. Then I started thinking about what was going to happen if we were faced with the situation such as the twins.
A lot of people don't realize all of the decisions that need to be made when you lose a child. Especially all of the decisions that have to be made QUICKLY.
When you have just a few minutes with your child, people take for granted that when their heart stops, their bodies do not resemble what they should look like for very long. Decisions need to be made quickly as to who is going to see/hold your baby. How long will you take to spend time with your spouse and child(ren). Then come the more difficult decisions-Will you have a funeral service? Will you keep your child with you long after their death? THe hospital staff brings in the blankets, gowns, head dress and other things for you to pick for your new born to wear. It's not the same as the smiles and anticipation waiting on the nurse to weigh and measure your new family member. Sadly, we were just waiting for our nurse to tell us that Ian, Owen & Maddox made it through delivery and had heartbeats. We knew that those heartbeats would quickly fade away, but it was SO important to me to hear that they lived through a traumatic delivery and I got to hold my babies while they lived.
But all of those decisions are so overwhelming when your concentration is on the few SHORT minutes that you get with your child. The hardest part-that I am thankful that I do not remember this time around, is watching your nurse leave the room with your son/daughter for the very last time. It's so important to breath and soak in their beautiful new baby look and smell for the few minutes you get it.
I slept last night-Some might think this is good. For me, it made me even more painfully aware that I no longer have to get up 4-8 times at night to go to the bathroom because I have a tiny person sitting on my bladder. Silly isn't it?
The tears are right there. They haven't come yet.
I finally had a breakdown in the hospital on Wednesday afternoon after Cris left to go to work and home for a little while. All of our visitors had gone or hadn't come yet. It was quiet and I hadn't been feeling good and I was bored and lonely but thankful for the time alone. I finally started allowing myself to think what would happen if we did infact make it to 23-24 weeks. Then I started thinking about what was going to happen if we were faced with the situation such as the twins.
A lot of people don't realize all of the decisions that need to be made when you lose a child. Especially all of the decisions that have to be made QUICKLY.
When you have just a few minutes with your child, people take for granted that when their heart stops, their bodies do not resemble what they should look like for very long. Decisions need to be made quickly as to who is going to see/hold your baby. How long will you take to spend time with your spouse and child(ren). Then come the more difficult decisions-Will you have a funeral service? Will you keep your child with you long after their death? THe hospital staff brings in the blankets, gowns, head dress and other things for you to pick for your new born to wear. It's not the same as the smiles and anticipation waiting on the nurse to weigh and measure your new family member. Sadly, we were just waiting for our nurse to tell us that Ian, Owen & Maddox made it through delivery and had heartbeats. We knew that those heartbeats would quickly fade away, but it was SO important to me to hear that they lived through a traumatic delivery and I got to hold my babies while they lived.
But all of those decisions are so overwhelming when your concentration is on the few SHORT minutes that you get with your child. The hardest part-that I am thankful that I do not remember this time around, is watching your nurse leave the room with your son/daughter for the very last time. It's so important to breath and soak in their beautiful new baby look and smell for the few minutes you get it.
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