Do you know that old saying... "when one door closes, another opens"?
I hate that saying...and here is why.
I pondered that saying so many times after Ian & Owen were born. In 2011, we had so many things going on in our personal lives from buying anther house, dealing with the house in Richmond, "new" traditions amoung our families as many things had changed and then welcoming twins into our family. During my blaming God rant, many times I would ask what POSSIBLY could be behind the "open door" that would make losing my sons OK? Many times I said that the door was closed on the twins BECAUSE of everything going in our lives. I made myself believe that God, or whomever was involved in this, was closing that door because we obviously weren't going to be able to handle raising 2 more boys. Then, I made myself believe that it was because God needed us to be a home for Maddox. Now that this door also has closed, I am at a loss.
I can't imagine what in the WORLD would be waiting for us that might make this OK? Or, did this door close because another tragedy is on the heels of my feet waiting to be dealt with? Perhaps I wouldn't be able to deal with this "upcoming tragedy" if I was a new mom or if I was still pregnant. I can't help but think that this door closed too because there is something even more horrific waiting for us.
Cris and I are strong, I've said it a million times-But how strong do we have to be as family and as a married couple for someone to realize enough is more than enough?
Is this most recent loss supossed to be used to make me change something, or realize something...because I'm not seeing it. It's only been 6 days since Maddox was born and it feels like it's been 10 years.
I hate that saying...and here is why.
I pondered that saying so many times after Ian & Owen were born. In 2011, we had so many things going on in our personal lives from buying anther house, dealing with the house in Richmond, "new" traditions amoung our families as many things had changed and then welcoming twins into our family. During my blaming God rant, many times I would ask what POSSIBLY could be behind the "open door" that would make losing my sons OK? Many times I said that the door was closed on the twins BECAUSE of everything going in our lives. I made myself believe that God, or whomever was involved in this, was closing that door because we obviously weren't going to be able to handle raising 2 more boys. Then, I made myself believe that it was because God needed us to be a home for Maddox. Now that this door also has closed, I am at a loss.
I can't imagine what in the WORLD would be waiting for us that might make this OK? Or, did this door close because another tragedy is on the heels of my feet waiting to be dealt with? Perhaps I wouldn't be able to deal with this "upcoming tragedy" if I was a new mom or if I was still pregnant. I can't help but think that this door closed too because there is something even more horrific waiting for us.
Cris and I are strong, I've said it a million times-But how strong do we have to be as family and as a married couple for someone to realize enough is more than enough?
Is this most recent loss supossed to be used to make me change something, or realize something...because I'm not seeing it. It's only been 6 days since Maddox was born and it feels like it's been 10 years.
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