Like I said in yesterdays blog, I knew I'd pay for being so active yesterday.
I am paying for it today! =)
Cris and I BOTH had high hopes of things to get done while the kids were away this morning-but we got NOTHING done. We had a revolving door of visitors today-that brought lots of food and smiles-which was really nice. I don't have to cook this week at all!!!!
I had a conversation with a friend earlier today about how I am doing. He was asking me how things were and telling me he couldn't imagine what we're dealing with emotionally. I told him right now for me, it's not the "emotional" part this go-round. It's more or less the "future" problems I am concerned with-
After speaking with the High Risk Doctor, we now know that our changes of having another healthy, full term child are so slim. Either because A) I might have an IC and B) the infection I have may prevent the possibility.
We accepted that either way, we knew we did not want to try for any more children. We are so thrilled with the 2 boys that we have that we are OK with knowing we won't have any more. The problem for me comes in the form of the unknown. I LIKE my job-I really do-but with so many changes going on there and in my life, I am not sure where I want to end up. There are several careers I would love to do-but I hate school and I don't want to go back. For the last 4-5 days, I have really felt the desire to find some kind of work that I can work with moms/parents that are facing the greif that we have faced. I'm not sure if I'd like to work with them in the form of "now I lay me down to sleep" the organization that sends photographers to hospitals to capture the moments with families who are losing their infant. I am not sure if I want to work in the greif aftermath with the families once the emotions have "settled in". I have felt more and more after the awesome staff that we had @ the hospital, working on the front end of it. Being there for the moms as they are experiencing the loss, making sure they enjoy the few moments they get with their children. Making sure their delivery is not one of just sorrow, but one of some kind of peace and comfort. That is how I was made to feel by the 4 amazing nurses we had this go-round. We had more than 4-but there were 4 that made this experience one that we could tolerate. They were so compassionate with us and so considerate of our history and how we were feeling. It made a tragic event a little easier to swallow. In June, when we went through this with the twins, we had a seasoned WONDERFUL nurse that made it easier for us. She kept us informed of what was coming next and made sure we were able to get and do allthat we wanted to do with Ian & Owen in the short time we had. This go-round, we were fortunate to be ableto see her also, but she wasn't working during the week we were there. =(. Because we had been through this before, we were aware of what was going on, what proceedures were bring done and why. This nursing staff helped us to be able to relax and make the best of it during the "waiting period". These girls to ME are more like friends now because they were so much a part of one of the worst days of my life and they genuinly WANTED to be involved. I would love to be that way for someone else. But again, I don't want to go to school! ha-ha
Today was a busy day of visitors-but it was nice. Tomorrow will be the 1st time in over a week that I will be by myself. I am not anxious YET about this-we will see what tomorrow brings.
We were laughing earlier-because last week, I could hit a button when I was in pain and my nurse would be there with the miracle drug fentenal withing 3 seconds.
This morning, I was really very sore and hurting and I asked Cris to hit the button for me so the nurse would come with the medicine. We were laughing b/c I would really like to have had my button this morning!
I am paying for it today! =)
Cris and I BOTH had high hopes of things to get done while the kids were away this morning-but we got NOTHING done. We had a revolving door of visitors today-that brought lots of food and smiles-which was really nice. I don't have to cook this week at all!!!!
I had a conversation with a friend earlier today about how I am doing. He was asking me how things were and telling me he couldn't imagine what we're dealing with emotionally. I told him right now for me, it's not the "emotional" part this go-round. It's more or less the "future" problems I am concerned with-
After speaking with the High Risk Doctor, we now know that our changes of having another healthy, full term child are so slim. Either because A) I might have an IC and B) the infection I have may prevent the possibility.
We accepted that either way, we knew we did not want to try for any more children. We are so thrilled with the 2 boys that we have that we are OK with knowing we won't have any more. The problem for me comes in the form of the unknown. I LIKE my job-I really do-but with so many changes going on there and in my life, I am not sure where I want to end up. There are several careers I would love to do-but I hate school and I don't want to go back. For the last 4-5 days, I have really felt the desire to find some kind of work that I can work with moms/parents that are facing the greif that we have faced. I'm not sure if I'd like to work with them in the form of "now I lay me down to sleep" the organization that sends photographers to hospitals to capture the moments with families who are losing their infant. I am not sure if I want to work in the greif aftermath with the families once the emotions have "settled in". I have felt more and more after the awesome staff that we had @ the hospital, working on the front end of it. Being there for the moms as they are experiencing the loss, making sure they enjoy the few moments they get with their children. Making sure their delivery is not one of just sorrow, but one of some kind of peace and comfort. That is how I was made to feel by the 4 amazing nurses we had this go-round. We had more than 4-but there were 4 that made this experience one that we could tolerate. They were so compassionate with us and so considerate of our history and how we were feeling. It made a tragic event a little easier to swallow. In June, when we went through this with the twins, we had a seasoned WONDERFUL nurse that made it easier for us. She kept us informed of what was coming next and made sure we were able to get and do allthat we wanted to do with Ian & Owen in the short time we had. This go-round, we were fortunate to be ableto see her also, but she wasn't working during the week we were there. =(. Because we had been through this before, we were aware of what was going on, what proceedures were bring done and why. This nursing staff helped us to be able to relax and make the best of it during the "waiting period". These girls to ME are more like friends now because they were so much a part of one of the worst days of my life and they genuinly WANTED to be involved. I would love to be that way for someone else. But again, I don't want to go to school! ha-ha
Today was a busy day of visitors-but it was nice. Tomorrow will be the 1st time in over a week that I will be by myself. I am not anxious YET about this-we will see what tomorrow brings.
We were laughing earlier-because last week, I could hit a button when I was in pain and my nurse would be there with the miracle drug fentenal withing 3 seconds.
This morning, I was really very sore and hurting and I asked Cris to hit the button for me so the nurse would come with the medicine. We were laughing b/c I would really like to have had my button this morning!
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