I live a different life now.
Today-I just want my babies! I said from day 1-that Ian & Owen were going to be born early. The date that kept coming in my mind is Oct. 13th. I don't know why, but that was the date that I had in mind.
When we got to the soccer field this morning, I found myself thinking in my mind that if things were like they should be, I would be either waddling down the field unable to really move, or I would be pushing a stroller of my new babies down to watch their big brothers play soccer. Either way, it took my breath away to snap back into reality and remember that I get neither of those things.
Today, I just want to hold my babies. I just want to show them off to friends and family and I want to just have my babies.
That's all I really have to say. I am making a great effort to put on a great face today-But I feel very alone. 1 week from today, We will sit beside our angel babies and put flowers on their grave. We will release balloons in honor of them & Cris and I will wear our Mommy/Daddy of twin angels shirts and celebrate the short lives of Ian & Owen. We will then be reminded that our lives are different. THat we don't get to hold our babies.
I'm no longer feeling blessed right now. I'm not feeling settled about things. I'm feeling like i am walking through this world alone and on a different step then everyone else.
Today-I just want my babies! I said from day 1-that Ian & Owen were going to be born early. The date that kept coming in my mind is Oct. 13th. I don't know why, but that was the date that I had in mind.
When we got to the soccer field this morning, I found myself thinking in my mind that if things were like they should be, I would be either waddling down the field unable to really move, or I would be pushing a stroller of my new babies down to watch their big brothers play soccer. Either way, it took my breath away to snap back into reality and remember that I get neither of those things.
Today, I just want to hold my babies. I just want to show them off to friends and family and I want to just have my babies.
That's all I really have to say. I am making a great effort to put on a great face today-But I feel very alone. 1 week from today, We will sit beside our angel babies and put flowers on their grave. We will release balloons in honor of them & Cris and I will wear our Mommy/Daddy of twin angels shirts and celebrate the short lives of Ian & Owen. We will then be reminded that our lives are different. THat we don't get to hold our babies.
I'm no longer feeling blessed right now. I'm not feeling settled about things. I'm feeling like i am walking through this world alone and on a different step then everyone else.
Comments
Post a Comment