I haven't been to the graveside in a week.....
I think I am back in the numb stage. I can go through my daily routine and function on a pretty basic level I think. Others around me MAY not agree. =)
Tomorrow night is our 10 year high school reunion. We aren't going. We weren't planning on going because I was due so close to time that we didn't want to pay $100 for the tickets and not go. But now that we've burried our children, I have even LESS desire to go. So many people that we graduated with are starting their families now or are currently awaiting their 1st child. As much as I TRY to be selfless....I can't. I am super excited for ALL of them & the excitement they are all experiencing, but I don't feel like being happy. I don't feel like I can be THAT friend. I heard a story today about a girl we went to school with-and some problems she has with her 3rd son. I feel so heartbroken for she & her husband and all THREE of their children. I haven't talked to this girl in 10 years, but from one mother to another-part of her heartache for her son, I can feel. I held and watched my babies suffer until their last breaths. While there are treatment (but no cure) for her son, her daily struggles I can relate to. They are taking up a donation @ the reunion for her to help offset SOME of the very expensive medical expenses related to his condition. I think that's such a wonderful idea. I hope that this family is able to get the help and answers that they need for their little boy-as I know they feel so blessed to have him & their 2 other children in their lives. She truly is a very strong woman and I wish I had her courage.
I've tried to be so strong over the last 4 months...but the time is coming that I am having more and more weak moments. I am not sure yet how to process all of this b/c I am not used to feeling the way I've felt. I keep hearing people tell me how beautiful the boys were and how much they changed so many lives. But really, regardless of all of those things, it does not change their outcome.
The support has been overwhelming. It seems as we grow up so many things in our lives just change and spin around us faster than we can catch up. So many dramatic events occur in our lives that we never expected could EVER happen to us-it's always the things that happen to everyone else-We have become "everyone else".
Do me a favor if you're reading this & pray for the family I mentioned above. Im not sharing names as I havent spoken with her in years as I said, and I don't know if she'd appreciate her info out there-but just pray for this family-and their little boy & entire family. THEY still have their son & I hope they are given peace and comfort as they continue down whatever road/journey is leading them.
I think I am back in the numb stage. I can go through my daily routine and function on a pretty basic level I think. Others around me MAY not agree. =)
Tomorrow night is our 10 year high school reunion. We aren't going. We weren't planning on going because I was due so close to time that we didn't want to pay $100 for the tickets and not go. But now that we've burried our children, I have even LESS desire to go. So many people that we graduated with are starting their families now or are currently awaiting their 1st child. As much as I TRY to be selfless....I can't. I am super excited for ALL of them & the excitement they are all experiencing, but I don't feel like being happy. I don't feel like I can be THAT friend. I heard a story today about a girl we went to school with-and some problems she has with her 3rd son. I feel so heartbroken for she & her husband and all THREE of their children. I haven't talked to this girl in 10 years, but from one mother to another-part of her heartache for her son, I can feel. I held and watched my babies suffer until their last breaths. While there are treatment (but no cure) for her son, her daily struggles I can relate to. They are taking up a donation @ the reunion for her to help offset SOME of the very expensive medical expenses related to his condition. I think that's such a wonderful idea. I hope that this family is able to get the help and answers that they need for their little boy-as I know they feel so blessed to have him & their 2 other children in their lives. She truly is a very strong woman and I wish I had her courage.
I've tried to be so strong over the last 4 months...but the time is coming that I am having more and more weak moments. I am not sure yet how to process all of this b/c I am not used to feeling the way I've felt. I keep hearing people tell me how beautiful the boys were and how much they changed so many lives. But really, regardless of all of those things, it does not change their outcome.
The support has been overwhelming. It seems as we grow up so many things in our lives just change and spin around us faster than we can catch up. So many dramatic events occur in our lives that we never expected could EVER happen to us-it's always the things that happen to everyone else-We have become "everyone else".
Do me a favor if you're reading this & pray for the family I mentioned above. Im not sharing names as I havent spoken with her in years as I said, and I don't know if she'd appreciate her info out there-but just pray for this family-and their little boy & entire family. THEY still have their son & I hope they are given peace and comfort as they continue down whatever road/journey is leading them.
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