I am taking (have been taking) a little break from the blogging for a few days. I needed to sit back & just have a few days.....a few days of bottling it all in and a few days of distracting myself. This weekend was the perfect opportunity because I am was participating in my best friends wedding. I was the Maid (Or Matron??) of honor. Whichever it is when you're married. Of course, this was a happy distraction-Lots of family and friend time, lots of great food, socializing and made a few new friends.
I am proud of myself however. I did have a little milestone during this entire process. Friday night @ the rehearsal dinner, I was a little uncomfortable around one of the bridal parties spouses that is pregnant. I know her mind you, and I knew she was pregnant and knew she was going to be there,but it was still very hard for me as we were due @ the same time. I also realize this weekend is and was not about me-it was about Brandi. I kept my mouth shut and I focused on the things I was supossed to focus on. I didn't speak to them on Friday night as I just tried to stay busy on a different side of the building. I know this was probably wrong, but I could not bring myself to face it. ON Saturday however @ the reception I sat beside her and was able to talk to her a little bit-so to me, this was a big breakthrough.
When we were out getting our hair done on Saturday morning, I ran into one of the members of the church we "go" to . It was all I could do to talk to her also. It sounds horrible, I know-but by association of religion, I just didn't want to chit chat.
This month is Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness month-and Cris and I got our shirts in the mail on Friday to wear on OCt 15th in rememberance of Ian & Owen.
Right now-I don't feel the right words to say to express the stage I am in, so I am choosing to take a few days and gather my thoughts & feelings. Such a deep and raw emotion still-even 3 months later...so I just need to take some time-I feel like I am beating a dead horse again b/c I can only find the same words I've been saying. I don't feel that what I am thinking about certain things and/or people is FAIR for me to put in writing because of my current situation, so I will step back-if you do not see a blog update for a few days-fear not....I am just "regrouping"
I am proud of myself however. I did have a little milestone during this entire process. Friday night @ the rehearsal dinner, I was a little uncomfortable around one of the bridal parties spouses that is pregnant. I know her mind you, and I knew she was pregnant and knew she was going to be there,but it was still very hard for me as we were due @ the same time. I also realize this weekend is and was not about me-it was about Brandi. I kept my mouth shut and I focused on the things I was supossed to focus on. I didn't speak to them on Friday night as I just tried to stay busy on a different side of the building. I know this was probably wrong, but I could not bring myself to face it. ON Saturday however @ the reception I sat beside her and was able to talk to her a little bit-so to me, this was a big breakthrough.
When we were out getting our hair done on Saturday morning, I ran into one of the members of the church we "go" to . It was all I could do to talk to her also. It sounds horrible, I know-but by association of religion, I just didn't want to chit chat.
This month is Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness month-and Cris and I got our shirts in the mail on Friday to wear on OCt 15th in rememberance of Ian & Owen.
Right now-I don't feel the right words to say to express the stage I am in, so I am choosing to take a few days and gather my thoughts & feelings. Such a deep and raw emotion still-even 3 months later...so I just need to take some time-I feel like I am beating a dead horse again b/c I can only find the same words I've been saying. I don't feel that what I am thinking about certain things and/or people is FAIR for me to put in writing because of my current situation, so I will step back-if you do not see a blog update for a few days-fear not....I am just "regrouping"
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