Even though I've been making great strides in making some changes in the last 6 weeks, I am still carrying around a lot of stress. I realize it daily when I realize how heavy my heart feels, or how my head hurts daily, or how exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally I feel.
I went to have a massage today-and I REALLY needed it. It is one of my "guilty pleasures". Some drink wine, I get massages. LOL
I'm having a big time struggle with next weeks agenda. Next week, I go back to work. I'm not so worried about "getting back into" the groove of things. I've had close contact with SOME of my co-workers, so I don't think there will me any akward weirdness. I think it will be stressful going back and getting caught back up in some ways, but I think it will go just fine. I am uneasy about it, because I have REALLY enjoyed being home with the boys in the afternoon. I've enjoyed being able to be available to them, the ability to be available to other people that needed me. The ability to not RUSH through life like it seems we do when Cris and I are both working. I never disired to be a stay @ home mom with young children, because I knew then my patience wasn't there. Now that I've been on this side, and have had the chance to see things through different eyes, I really really enjoy being able to spend this much time with my kids and husband. We have grown closer in the last 5-6 weeks because we're not running around crazy stressed out all the time. Cris could go to work and concentrate on the things he needed to. I was able to get the daily errands and housework done, do my PTA responsibilities and other responsibilities. I was able to get the kids from school, and go to their sporting events, do dinner, reverse order, whatever. It was never a hurry up and wait or a rush rush rush through the day/life. We could take our time and get homework done, etc. I've been able to do things for MYSELF that I wanted to do. It's been fulfilling. So, while I absolutely LOVE my job and my co-workers, I am struggling about going back.
Physically, I am feeling fine. I've been consistant with the gym and consistant with focusing on things I need to focus on for ME. Mentally, I am really on overload. I am stressed about going back to work. I am mentally making myself NOT think about things. Emotionally-not even in the realm of understanding right now.
I went to have a massage today-and I REALLY needed it. It is one of my "guilty pleasures". Some drink wine, I get massages. LOL
I'm having a big time struggle with next weeks agenda. Next week, I go back to work. I'm not so worried about "getting back into" the groove of things. I've had close contact with SOME of my co-workers, so I don't think there will me any akward weirdness. I think it will be stressful going back and getting caught back up in some ways, but I think it will go just fine. I am uneasy about it, because I have REALLY enjoyed being home with the boys in the afternoon. I've enjoyed being able to be available to them, the ability to be available to other people that needed me. The ability to not RUSH through life like it seems we do when Cris and I are both working. I never disired to be a stay @ home mom with young children, because I knew then my patience wasn't there. Now that I've been on this side, and have had the chance to see things through different eyes, I really really enjoy being able to spend this much time with my kids and husband. We have grown closer in the last 5-6 weeks because we're not running around crazy stressed out all the time. Cris could go to work and concentrate on the things he needed to. I was able to get the daily errands and housework done, do my PTA responsibilities and other responsibilities. I was able to get the kids from school, and go to their sporting events, do dinner, reverse order, whatever. It was never a hurry up and wait or a rush rush rush through the day/life. We could take our time and get homework done, etc. I've been able to do things for MYSELF that I wanted to do. It's been fulfilling. So, while I absolutely LOVE my job and my co-workers, I am struggling about going back.
Physically, I am feeling fine. I've been consistant with the gym and consistant with focusing on things I need to focus on for ME. Mentally, I am really on overload. I am stressed about going back to work. I am mentally making myself NOT think about things. Emotionally-not even in the realm of understanding right now.
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