WELCOME to BASEBALL SEASON!
The season in the Howard household that consists of rushed dinners, 4 & 5 days @ the baseball field until LONG after dark and intense crazy tempers!
ALSO the time in the Howard household where many memories are made. We "used" to be a soccer family. Well, not used to be, we still are. Soccer season is just as insane as baseball season. However, for some reason, the intensity is just different. The parent involvement is different. The all around FEEL is different. I am not a baseball person, I never have been. BUT, to see my kids play-is simply amazing. Caleb is still in T-ball-that is NOT nearly as intense. It's a great starter age and gives the kids tons of hours getting to know each other and learning (sort of) about the game of baseball. But HOLY BATMAN-Minors baseball brings out the crazy mamas (me included) and the intense nature of the sport. It's very competitive at this age group and while the kids (and parents) have a blast, it's really a lot of hours, money, and effort put into these 3 months.
On that note, BASEBALL started full swing this week. Guess what else started? I WENT BACK TO WORK (1/2 time however).
I was really anxious on Sunday with the thought of going back to my desk. I knew what to expect as far as the sad pitiful faces. I knew that several of the phone calls would result in conversations full of questions about where I have been, how sorry people are for our loss, and many many other things. (I was correct about this by the way). Of course all of these people were very well meaning and since it's only day 3 of 1/2 days back to work, I know it's not over. It's OK though, I am a much stronger person dealing with things this time around than I was in June/July of last year.
This week has been very frustrating. We have 4 or 5 "open ended" things in our lives right now that we would really like some closure with. It's not really a lot of public information, but continued prayers are so needed through this.
Back to baseball season-Do you have ANY IDEA how much easier it was for me the last few weeks while being home to "be a parent"? I honestly NEVER knew how much of my boys lives I was missing. Not that being a parent is easy. Not that being home made the world perfect again. It certainly did not make anything perfect. It also didn't bring back Ian, Owen or Maddox to my arms. However, it made me a tiny bit less stressed because I didn't feel like we were rushing through the days. Before Maddox, I didn't realize how much we WERE rushing things. Last year, when Ian & Owen died; I was SO consumed in pain and heartbreak that I never "understood" the 4 weeks I was off what was so important. The boys weren't in school, we weren't in full swing sports, so it didn't seem like such a major deal. This time, with Maddox being born and dying in February, we were finishing basketball and gearing up for baseball. We are full swing in school. I know it sounds so silly, but do you know what my FAVORITE part of my day is now? Pulling into the parking lot of the school @ 2pm to pick up my boys. Even if they didn't have the greatest day in school, I love seeing them interact with their friends. I love hearing their teachers teach. I love seeing them come down the steps or out of the classroom excited to tell me things that I MISSED before. Things that I used to just hear them say, but never really HEARD them say it, if that makes sense.
This is really weighing on my heart right now as I've gone back to work. Next week, I go back to full hours and it's going to be SO HARD for me to not be able to pick them up-I have loved it so much!
I heard a song for the 1st time yesterday and since then, I've heard it 9 times. I can't tell you how it took my breath away-just read the lyrics and then youtube it and listen....you will see why.
On a plane to the west coast
Laptop on my tray
Papers spread across my seat
A big deadline to make
An older man next to me said,
"Sorry to intrude
"Thirty years ago, my busy friend
"I was you
"I made a ton of money
"And I climbed up the ladder
"Yeah, I was Superman
"Now, what does it matter
"I missed the first steps my daughter took
"The time my son played Captain Hook
"In Peter Pan, I was in New York
"Said, 'Sorry, son, Dad has to work'
"I missed the father-daughter dance
"The first home run, no second chance
"To be there when he crossed the plate
"The moment's gone, now it's too late
"Fame and fortune come with a heavy price
"Son, don't miss your life"
Funny you should say that, I was
Sittin' at the gate
My daughter called, she made straight As
And they're off to celebrate
Scrollin' through the pictures of my little family
My daughter with her mom and friends
Not a single one with me
They know I love 'em, I know they know I care
The truth is half the time, I'm not even there
I missed our fourth and fifth anniversary
Our girl was early by a week
Her sister had to hold her hand
I was in L.A, she said, "I understand"
I missed her first day of school
Man, what kind of crazy fool
Lets such a precious moment pass
We all know time goes way too fast
Hold on tight 'cause it don't happen twice
Don't miss your life
When I get off this plane
I'll buy a turnaround ticket
Saturday's her eighth birthday
And I'm not gonna miss it
There'll be balloons and birthday cake
And I'll clean up the mess they make
My mom and dad are drivin' in
I haven't seen them in God knows when
My wife will proudly say to me,
"I thought you were supposed to be
"In Portland for a few more days"
I'll take her in my arms and say,
"Heard some words that hit me hard last night
"A man said, 'Don't miss your life'"
I know this is from a fathers perspective, but I think we can ALL agree, this can be from any parents point of view. This speaks VOLUMES to me. Not that working has made me miss things in the boys lives like their 1st home runs, or their 1st report cards full of straight A's-but I feel like I've not been able to meet the emotional needs of the boys because I've been so consumed in "life". Nothing says it better to me right now than "don't miss your life". I am in THAT point in my life, that losing my sons really opened my eyes. I apparently am a difficult learner because it took me losing 3 children to really understand the importance of the words above.
I may not get to see the 1st home run, or 1st steps, or 1st smile from Ian, Owen and Maddox, but I will be damned if I let "life" stop me from seeing the 1st steps for Isaac going into middle school,high school, college or his 1st love. I won't miss the 1st time that Caleb makes his home run, or the 2nd, or 3rd, or 20th, or 200th. I won't miss any moment of their lives anymore. I am humbled by the amazing children that I am blessed with. This song really really cut me deep & I really recommend that we all just STOP going through life so hurried and rushed and just stop to listen to our kids tell us for the 900th time that "so and so" did "whatever" or, "can you help me tie my shoe".
Listen to the song-it's amazing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12SOiGWJiwc
The season in the Howard household that consists of rushed dinners, 4 & 5 days @ the baseball field until LONG after dark and intense crazy tempers!
ALSO the time in the Howard household where many memories are made. We "used" to be a soccer family. Well, not used to be, we still are. Soccer season is just as insane as baseball season. However, for some reason, the intensity is just different. The parent involvement is different. The all around FEEL is different. I am not a baseball person, I never have been. BUT, to see my kids play-is simply amazing. Caleb is still in T-ball-that is NOT nearly as intense. It's a great starter age and gives the kids tons of hours getting to know each other and learning (sort of) about the game of baseball. But HOLY BATMAN-Minors baseball brings out the crazy mamas (me included) and the intense nature of the sport. It's very competitive at this age group and while the kids (and parents) have a blast, it's really a lot of hours, money, and effort put into these 3 months.
On that note, BASEBALL started full swing this week. Guess what else started? I WENT BACK TO WORK (1/2 time however).
I was really anxious on Sunday with the thought of going back to my desk. I knew what to expect as far as the sad pitiful faces. I knew that several of the phone calls would result in conversations full of questions about where I have been, how sorry people are for our loss, and many many other things. (I was correct about this by the way). Of course all of these people were very well meaning and since it's only day 3 of 1/2 days back to work, I know it's not over. It's OK though, I am a much stronger person dealing with things this time around than I was in June/July of last year.
This week has been very frustrating. We have 4 or 5 "open ended" things in our lives right now that we would really like some closure with. It's not really a lot of public information, but continued prayers are so needed through this.
Back to baseball season-Do you have ANY IDEA how much easier it was for me the last few weeks while being home to "be a parent"? I honestly NEVER knew how much of my boys lives I was missing. Not that being a parent is easy. Not that being home made the world perfect again. It certainly did not make anything perfect. It also didn't bring back Ian, Owen or Maddox to my arms. However, it made me a tiny bit less stressed because I didn't feel like we were rushing through the days. Before Maddox, I didn't realize how much we WERE rushing things. Last year, when Ian & Owen died; I was SO consumed in pain and heartbreak that I never "understood" the 4 weeks I was off what was so important. The boys weren't in school, we weren't in full swing sports, so it didn't seem like such a major deal. This time, with Maddox being born and dying in February, we were finishing basketball and gearing up for baseball. We are full swing in school. I know it sounds so silly, but do you know what my FAVORITE part of my day is now? Pulling into the parking lot of the school @ 2pm to pick up my boys. Even if they didn't have the greatest day in school, I love seeing them interact with their friends. I love hearing their teachers teach. I love seeing them come down the steps or out of the classroom excited to tell me things that I MISSED before. Things that I used to just hear them say, but never really HEARD them say it, if that makes sense.
This is really weighing on my heart right now as I've gone back to work. Next week, I go back to full hours and it's going to be SO HARD for me to not be able to pick them up-I have loved it so much!
I heard a song for the 1st time yesterday and since then, I've heard it 9 times. I can't tell you how it took my breath away-just read the lyrics and then youtube it and listen....you will see why.
On a plane to the west coast
Laptop on my tray
Papers spread across my seat
A big deadline to make
An older man next to me said,
"Sorry to intrude
"Thirty years ago, my busy friend
"I was you
"I made a ton of money
"And I climbed up the ladder
"Yeah, I was Superman
"Now, what does it matter
"I missed the first steps my daughter took
"The time my son played Captain Hook
"In Peter Pan, I was in New York
"Said, 'Sorry, son, Dad has to work'
"I missed the father-daughter dance
"The first home run, no second chance
"To be there when he crossed the plate
"The moment's gone, now it's too late
"Fame and fortune come with a heavy price
"Son, don't miss your life"
Funny you should say that, I was
Sittin' at the gate
My daughter called, she made straight As
And they're off to celebrate
Scrollin' through the pictures of my little family
My daughter with her mom and friends
Not a single one with me
They know I love 'em, I know they know I care
The truth is half the time, I'm not even there
I missed our fourth and fifth anniversary
Our girl was early by a week
Her sister had to hold her hand
I was in L.A, she said, "I understand"
I missed her first day of school
Man, what kind of crazy fool
Lets such a precious moment pass
We all know time goes way too fast
Hold on tight 'cause it don't happen twice
Don't miss your life
When I get off this plane
I'll buy a turnaround ticket
Saturday's her eighth birthday
And I'm not gonna miss it
There'll be balloons and birthday cake
And I'll clean up the mess they make
My mom and dad are drivin' in
I haven't seen them in God knows when
My wife will proudly say to me,
"I thought you were supposed to be
"In Portland for a few more days"
I'll take her in my arms and say,
"Heard some words that hit me hard last night
"A man said, 'Don't miss your life'"
I know this is from a fathers perspective, but I think we can ALL agree, this can be from any parents point of view. This speaks VOLUMES to me. Not that working has made me miss things in the boys lives like their 1st home runs, or their 1st report cards full of straight A's-but I feel like I've not been able to meet the emotional needs of the boys because I've been so consumed in "life". Nothing says it better to me right now than "don't miss your life". I am in THAT point in my life, that losing my sons really opened my eyes. I apparently am a difficult learner because it took me losing 3 children to really understand the importance of the words above.
I may not get to see the 1st home run, or 1st steps, or 1st smile from Ian, Owen and Maddox, but I will be damned if I let "life" stop me from seeing the 1st steps for Isaac going into middle school,high school, college or his 1st love. I won't miss the 1st time that Caleb makes his home run, or the 2nd, or 3rd, or 20th, or 200th. I won't miss any moment of their lives anymore. I am humbled by the amazing children that I am blessed with. This song really really cut me deep & I really recommend that we all just STOP going through life so hurried and rushed and just stop to listen to our kids tell us for the 900th time that "so and so" did "whatever" or, "can you help me tie my shoe".
Listen to the song-it's amazing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12SOiGWJiwc
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