This blog is long overdue-
Most of you know, I am boycotting the Holiday this year. Well, not really, but I’d REALLY like to. If it weren’t for Isaac & Caleb, I can pretty much guarantee this Holiday would be non-existent in my house.
I realize Christmas is about a celebration of our Lord. But Christmas is also about a feeling. Christmas revolves around family, food, and a feeling. At least in my life it’s always been those things! Yes, we have always celebrated the birth of Jesus in our family/home. But my point to this blog is about the Christmas FEELING.
This year, I am not FEELING Christmas. I think so much has to do with the emotions and changes we’ve experienced in the last 12-48 months. Most recently, Cris ad I took a trip to Richmond to get our house there back in a condition to sell. We have had a renter for the last 12 months that moved @ the start of December. We also took it off the market and re listed it with another agent. That agent was getting to know us and after learning all that we had been through. She paused after a few minutes and said, “Gosh, you guys are so young, you must have married as babies”. We both laughed and told her it would be 10 years in August. She told us “Well, it appears the best is yet to come, because you’ve sure been through just about everything a married couple could go through”.
She is SO RIGHT. Cris and I have been through major life changes. A huge job transfer that took us out of our hometown, Disappointments in our personal lives financially, with each other, with our jobs, with our children. We moved AGAIN back to our hometown, have struggled with the economic downturn in relation to selling our house in Richmond. We lived with family for 16 months (which while we are extremely grateful, was a very difficult task for all of us involved). Then most recently of course; the death of Ian & Owen. I can’t honestly think of many other people at our age that have been through what we have. If there are more out there then I can honestly say, I am SORRY for those families.
I’ve been through most of the stages of grief I think. I’ve been angry, I’ve cried uncontrollably, I’ve shut down a few times, I’ve asked a million questions. When I found out I was pregnant again, I skipped the excited part and went STRAIGHT to the scared to death part. I’m one of the blessed people that do not get VIOLENTLY ill during my pregnancy like others do. Trust me, mine are no cakewalk, but I do not spend hours wrapped around a toilet lying on the bathroom floor (knock on wood). This time, all of the nausea and stuff that’s come along with the pregnancy I have been overjoyed to feel. My BF is pregnant also and due around the same time as I am. It’s exciting to get to go through this with her. She however, is one of the unfortunate ones that has stayed sick since the day she got pregnant. She’s asked me so many times how I can function because she’s really having a hard time. It’s an easy answer for me. My situation is TOTALLY different. She is overwhelmed and excited with her 1st time pregnancy. I am trying to survive to 20 weeks and 2 days. Maybe from that point, I can breath and enjoy some of this pregnancy-because this WILL be my last pregnancy! =)
I haven’t been able to turn on the Christmas music yet because there are songs that I know will get the best of me. If I can escape this holiday season without stopping long enough to give myself time to think, then I will be able to successfully scrape by =)
For some reason though…I don’t see that being my luck!
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