SO, I made it one WHOLE week with no tears! I am proud of myself.
So much of that could be because we literally did Disney up one side and down the other with NO breaks except getting to bed around 10-12 everynight & up & at it by 7 (mostly this was the LATE TIME) everyday!
That does NOT mean that Ian & Owen were not on my mind every single day all day long!
Caleb was a little bit of a handful this week-but I honestly expected it because it was a 13 hour drive (broken into 2 days) after a lot of anticipation & a LONG week @ school. He did great on the car ride-but if we had to wait at ALL in the parks, it was torture with him most of the time. Isaac did good-loved all of the roller coasters (kid after my own heart) and rode them all with his grandud-which made it even more fun for him-and I think a little for grandud too!
As I mentioned in a post earlier in the week-there were a lot of twins in the parks. Of course, Ian & Owen were with me the entire time because I wore my bracelet and my neclace of my babies. I unfortunately did think several times during the week that I wouldn't be in disney if I hadn't lost Ian & Owen-so that made a few moments bittersweet for me-but like I said, I didn't cry for an entire 8 days! =) I plan to go visit them tomorrow and I know over the next 30 days-it will be quit an emotional time-because the Holidays usually are.
I still don't believe that "time heals" because it doesn't. It hasn't healed any part of my broken heart. It wasn't made any day brighter and it hasn't cured any part of me. I still smell the hospital, hear the doctors words & feel Ian & Owen in my arms. Maybe one day, time will make the pain a little less-
It's impossible to feel the way that I feel if you have not stood exactly in this place. I read a blog a few weeks ago from a mother who has been mourning the loss of her son that she lost @ 37 weeks to a cord accident 11 years ago-Her pain is as real today as it was 11 years ago-I think I will be much like her...
So much of that could be because we literally did Disney up one side and down the other with NO breaks except getting to bed around 10-12 everynight & up & at it by 7 (mostly this was the LATE TIME) everyday!
That does NOT mean that Ian & Owen were not on my mind every single day all day long!
Caleb was a little bit of a handful this week-but I honestly expected it because it was a 13 hour drive (broken into 2 days) after a lot of anticipation & a LONG week @ school. He did great on the car ride-but if we had to wait at ALL in the parks, it was torture with him most of the time. Isaac did good-loved all of the roller coasters (kid after my own heart) and rode them all with his grandud-which made it even more fun for him-and I think a little for grandud too!
As I mentioned in a post earlier in the week-there were a lot of twins in the parks. Of course, Ian & Owen were with me the entire time because I wore my bracelet and my neclace of my babies. I unfortunately did think several times during the week that I wouldn't be in disney if I hadn't lost Ian & Owen-so that made a few moments bittersweet for me-but like I said, I didn't cry for an entire 8 days! =) I plan to go visit them tomorrow and I know over the next 30 days-it will be quit an emotional time-because the Holidays usually are.
I still don't believe that "time heals" because it doesn't. It hasn't healed any part of my broken heart. It wasn't made any day brighter and it hasn't cured any part of me. I still smell the hospital, hear the doctors words & feel Ian & Owen in my arms. Maybe one day, time will make the pain a little less-
It's impossible to feel the way that I feel if you have not stood exactly in this place. I read a blog a few weeks ago from a mother who has been mourning the loss of her son that she lost @ 37 weeks to a cord accident 11 years ago-Her pain is as real today as it was 11 years ago-I think I will be much like her...
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