I have certainly learned the graceful art of just keeping my mouth shut during the last year-
Yes, believe it or not, as vocal as I often am, I have kept SO MANY THINGS to myself that I would love to say. There are many issues I'd love to call some people out on. So many things I'd like to say to some when I just can't take it anymore, and so many situations that grate at my every single nerve, but I just choose turn a blind eye.
I love my husband. My dear, sweet, level headed, wonderfully hearted husband. He puts up with so much-he gets the complete brunt of all of my bitch sessions and never once complains. He is so supportive, even when he just doesn't care-
My best friend Brandi and I were talking today about how nice it would be to go back in time, to be innocent minded, and know NOTHING of this life of pain and hurt. How special would it be to be an adult, to be innocent to the world? To LOVE OTHERS the way a child does? To not know deep true pain and suffering? How amazing that would be.
I've been asked a few times about the stages of greif. I think one important one that is left out of from THIS kind of greif, is paranoia.
Can you imagine how paranoid about your living children you would be once you have watched one (or more) die? I am BEYOND paranoid that something will happen to ISaac or Caleb. I am equally as paranoid about Cris and myself, or our families. I know I am not alone, as I have talked to other moms in this horrible group-and they are the same way. Every twinge of pain, every sign of sickness, is SUCH a big deal to me.
For those of you that read my blog last week-Read this clearly-That was NOT a sign that "i am ok" because I assure you, things are no different today than they were June 24th last year-Not anywhere close. One of these days, things will get better, it has to-Someday, it will get easier.
I've been working relentlessly to do a walk this year for " Pregnancy, Miscarraige and Infant Loss awareness" day on OCt 15th-But I am having a HORRIBLE time getting peope to sponsor this event. That has been really traumatic to hear phone call after phone call " I'm sorry, but that isn't an event we would like to be associated with". Why? Because it's uncomfortable? Gee, ya THINK it was a walk in the park for all of us that have been affected first hand by a tragedy such as this?? This walk to is PROMOTE THE AWARENESS so that anyone in the future will KNOW where they can go for support if they choose. It is also for woman going through it, that feel like they are alone. It is for people that need to KNOW there is someone there for them, even if only connected by this "group". There needs to be awareness that it happens. Sensitivity to woman, mothers, mothers of greif and FAMILIES affected by this needs to be addressed. THERE NEEDS to be a place for those of that have been through this, to release baloons for our children, to say our childrens names outloud, to be with each other, to stand up and be each others support group!
I am HOPING I can get this going. I really need and want to.
Yes, believe it or not, as vocal as I often am, I have kept SO MANY THINGS to myself that I would love to say. There are many issues I'd love to call some people out on. So many things I'd like to say to some when I just can't take it anymore, and so many situations that grate at my every single nerve, but I just choose turn a blind eye.
I love my husband. My dear, sweet, level headed, wonderfully hearted husband. He puts up with so much-he gets the complete brunt of all of my bitch sessions and never once complains. He is so supportive, even when he just doesn't care-
My best friend Brandi and I were talking today about how nice it would be to go back in time, to be innocent minded, and know NOTHING of this life of pain and hurt. How special would it be to be an adult, to be innocent to the world? To LOVE OTHERS the way a child does? To not know deep true pain and suffering? How amazing that would be.
I've been asked a few times about the stages of greif. I think one important one that is left out of from THIS kind of greif, is paranoia.
Can you imagine how paranoid about your living children you would be once you have watched one (or more) die? I am BEYOND paranoid that something will happen to ISaac or Caleb. I am equally as paranoid about Cris and myself, or our families. I know I am not alone, as I have talked to other moms in this horrible group-and they are the same way. Every twinge of pain, every sign of sickness, is SUCH a big deal to me.
For those of you that read my blog last week-Read this clearly-That was NOT a sign that "i am ok" because I assure you, things are no different today than they were June 24th last year-Not anywhere close. One of these days, things will get better, it has to-Someday, it will get easier.
I've been working relentlessly to do a walk this year for " Pregnancy, Miscarraige and Infant Loss awareness" day on OCt 15th-But I am having a HORRIBLE time getting peope to sponsor this event. That has been really traumatic to hear phone call after phone call " I'm sorry, but that isn't an event we would like to be associated with". Why? Because it's uncomfortable? Gee, ya THINK it was a walk in the park for all of us that have been affected first hand by a tragedy such as this?? This walk to is PROMOTE THE AWARENESS so that anyone in the future will KNOW where they can go for support if they choose. It is also for woman going through it, that feel like they are alone. It is for people that need to KNOW there is someone there for them, even if only connected by this "group". There needs to be awareness that it happens. Sensitivity to woman, mothers, mothers of greif and FAMILIES affected by this needs to be addressed. THERE NEEDS to be a place for those of that have been through this, to release baloons for our children, to say our childrens names outloud, to be with each other, to stand up and be each others support group!
I am HOPING I can get this going. I really need and want to.
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