The thoughts of the long day!


My life is now separated into 2 different time frames:



BEFORE Ian & Owen and AFTER Ian & Owen.



It’s kind of funny-because it’s usually separated by; BEFORE I got married and AFTER I got married, or Before children and AFTER children….Mine USED to be the BEFORE children and AFTER children (although, the children came before the marriage in our case, but that’s an entirely different blog!) However, it’s not broken in to Before Ian & Owen and AFTER Ian & Owen. It’s funny how something drastic and traumatic like this, can completely consume your every thought.



 The same is true for Isaac & Caleb’s thoughts. Their life seems to broken into the same pattern, before & after. When I was talking to Caleb the other night about some show on TV-He suddenly said “ Do you think when I talk to God, that he can tell Ian & Owen stuff for me”. How profound of a question is that?? This isn’t the 1st time Caleb has made comments or asked questions like this. He is my “matter of fact” child. The night Ian & Owen were born & Caleb & Isaac came to the hospital to meet their brothers before they had passed, Caleb came in, took 1 look, listened to what we had to say and walked out of the room. We heard him talking to a nurse (or so we assume it was a nurse) in the hallway and he said “My baby brothers just died”. Cris and I looked @ each other in complete and utter shock and no words were spoken. What do you say to that? I found myself in the same place the other night with his question. The response I gave him is blurry now, but I think it was somewhere along the lines of, Yes, but you can just talk to the boys, they are listening.



Isaac is the more “whatever” kind of kid these days. I was certain the news would be harder for him-but to my surprise (and sort of disappointment) it didn’t bother him at all! Now, when I saw disappointment, I don’t mean that I am disappointed in ISAAC, I mean I am a little disappointed in the lack of empathy he showed during the entire process. Isaac is always a fantastic kid-sweet natured & semi-quiet in comparison to his brother (and to me). But, he’s going through the phase where he’s trying to figure out exactly who he is-and the trial and error stage is getting old quickly!  He had feelings about what happened, but I think because we never brought the boys home, or had their room set-up, it really wasn’t “real” for Isaac.


Caleb took it a little more seriously, because he is just starting to understand birth, life and death. He did NOT understand why his friends that were getting ready to have baby brothers/sisters got to bring their babies home, but Ian & Owen didn’t get to come home. He understood that it happened, but not WHY-and he is definitely my WHY child!



I took a break in writing this and now I’ve lost my train of though-it left with my sanity-so I will return tomorrow I am sure for more tails of the long road ahead! Be blessed.




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