Life After

My life is now separated into 2 different time frames: BEFORE Ian & Owen and AFTER Ian & Owen. It’s kind of funny-because it’s usually separated by; BEFORE I got married and AFTER I got married, or Before children and AFTER children….Mine USED to be the BEFORE children and AFTER children (although, the children came before the marriage in our case, but that’s an entirely different blog!) However, it’s not broken in to Before Ian & Owen and AFTER Ian & Owen. It’s funny how something drastic and traumatic like this, can completely consume your every thought.   The same is true for Isaac & Caleb’s thoughts. Their life seems to broken into the same pattern, before & after. When I was talking to Caleb the other night about some show on TV-He suddenly said “ Do you think when I talk to God, that he can tell Ian & Owen stuff for me”. How profound of a question is that?? This isn’t the 1 st time Caleb has made comments or asked questions like this. ...

Blog Update #2 for today (I’m on a roll, I know) This was devotion today-Read afterwards for my thoughts…                                                  “So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, ‘On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided.’” Genesis 22:14 (NIV) Have you ever been in a situation so desperate that it looked hopeless? Have you ever sat at the kitchen table wondering how you were going to pay the electric bill? Have you ever stood at a door that’s been slammed in your face by an angry teenager and despaired at having a relationship with him again? Have you ever had your heart broken so deeply that you wondered if you would feel whole again? Sadly, we live in a broken world where desp...

The highlight of many of my friends weeks last week included; bridal showers, baby showers, births, weddings, graduations & new jobs! Do you know what the highlight of my week was? Finalizing Ian & Owens’ grave marker. Yes, that is correct, that was the HIGHLIGHT! Of course, this is the highlight in my emotional world that is. In the world revolving around me, you could say the highlight was Isaac starting 4 th grade and Caleb starting 1 st grade! While that is an extremely exciting time, and we’ve made nothing short of a HUGE deal about how awesome all of their accomplishments are, in my selfish world-my highlight included that piece of Ian & Owen. A very sad highlight, I know…. I am sure in reading this, many think “Well, she has 2 perfectly beautiful living sons and a husband that loves her, so that’s enough reason to be happy”. (I’ve heard this I can’t tell you how many times in the last 8 weeks also). Well, you are correct. I do have those things, an...

Today, I am choosing to be thankful. I am NOT however, choosing to stop greiving. I wrote my 1st blog entry last week, and since that time, I've had a lot of anger and a lot of inability to write it all out-ALmost feels like I'm beating a dead horse with my thoughts....so I just choose to either A-sleep when I can or B-continue volunteering for things I clearly don't have time to do! But, it's keeping me busy, what else is there to do? THAT seems like the best way to cope! So, off to be busy coping! I will write more as the words come, but for today-I am chosing to be thankful for my wonderful husband & kids and family and I am choosing to CONTINUE walking around in a haze!

I am new to this blogging and I honestly can't tell you why I am here, doing this... Perhaps it's because I've finally taken all of the recommendations from caring friends and family to write out my feelings, or perhaps, I just deep down feel like this is good therapy for me. However, I'm not sure that even "good therapy" can help anyone through a situation like this. So, from the top...Here's my story! Blessings sure come in small packages! This I KNOW is true! You won't find a lot of religious comment in my writing because at the moment, faith and I are a little rocky! We weren't planning on anymore kids...Isaac & Caleb keep us busy enough! =) In a good way though. Between soccer, baseball and basketball, we really never do have time for anything else...so we weren't really discussing the option of more kids! However, We were thrilled in February to learn that we were pregnant again! We had just moved into our new, gotten settled bac...