Life After

When I started this blog almost 5 years ago (yep, almost 5 years has Passed) I thought this was going to be a great place for me to come to share how my grief process was going. I imagined this place of comfort & this place where I could be completely raw. I wanted people to understand what it was like to lose a child. I wanted people to read & know better how to approach someone in their life that was going through the same kind of traumatic event. Somewhere over the years, I allowed everyone reading into my mind, my heart & my life as I mourned the loss of Ian & Owen, as I shared the joy of being pregnant with my rainbow baby Maddox, and then eventually, mourned his loss as well. Many months later, I hesitantly wrote about my new pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Evan, as many of you remember, I was considered high risk, obviously. I shared my experience with my weekly appointments, the devil shot I had to take in order to keep him alive. The horribly painful...

January 4, 2016   I am not even sure where to start. 2015 is dead & gone. It’s somewhat bittersweet to me. It closes another year of heart ache & pain, and it opens a new chapter with possibilities that are unlimited. Just like in all of the years passed, I don’t have any resolutions. I learned in 2011, that it really doesn’t matter what we “resolve” to do. Life is going to take its own twists and turns. It’s never going to go exactly as we plan. When I went into early labor with the twins, my sister made it from her home (which essentially should be about 4 ½ hours away) to the hospital, in something like 2 ½ hours or less. I knew hours before, that I needed to push. But I wanted her to be there with me. She made it JUST in time. I remember looking up at her and crying and screaming “this isn’t how it was supposed to happen”. A few weeks later, my sister sends me a book about a Christian artist and his wife as they struggled with the loss of their dau...